Food for thought
15 januari 2012mmmm… brain… *drool*
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Declaration
15 januari 2012After being here for nearly 28 years I must say I do consider Earth to be my home planet. No earthling ever questioned my past, everyone whose paths I’ve crossed accepted me for who I am, and through the kindness of the people of planet Earth whatever happened before my arrival here has become nothing but a blur in my memory. So much even that I am at times beginning to doubt where I came from what my original form was and whether any of the few memories of my adventures in the distant galaxies of the universe are true. Maybe it’s all just my imagination.
Near Empty Factsheet
24 december 2011Here’s a fun fact: a single cockroach can devour up to three zebras in a week.
Archeology
24 december 2011Oh. I see, said the blind man. What sites? Me is curious now. I am a kitten afterall. Actually, I’m a horse with no legs
Weekend
18 september 2011Weekends go by so quickly … I can’t imagine how some people decide what to do during the weekend and what not… on the other hand I can imagine why some people might come in tired at work on Monday after a tough weekend.
Me, I take my weekends calm and easy. Not sure if it’s the right way to live life – as we only have one (we consciously know about).
Anyway, this weekend I went cycling.
Nothing special really ; but it’s my blog, I write what I want to write and share what I want to share. 
Saturday, De Haan – Knokke – De Haan
Sunday, Moerzeke – Schelle – Moerzeke
I think I’ve started something I’m not going to quit any time soon. Unless I find more interesting things to do…. And the damning thing is, I’m sure I will. There’s too much things to do. Task 1 : start preparing a bucket list!
You just can’t kill the beast
18 september 2011Strange how evil is associated with a ‘beast’, not a cuddly fluffy animal – except in Monty Python movies.
On the other hand, strange how ‘beast’ has come to mean something negative alltogether – as cuddly fluffy animals are just as much ‘beast’ as raging bulls?
And what about Eagles?
More facts of life
10 september 2011I’ve read that
If you eat a live tortoise, you will never go blind from staring into the sun. It does not protect you from blindness caused by eye-gouging.
The more often you press the fast forward button on a remote control, the shorter your life will be. The effect can be undone by pressing the rewind button, but this technique can never be used to either commit suicide, or live forever. Also, each time you press one of these buttons, your hair grows faster/slower than normal.
If you listen to Beethoven’s fifth backwards, you will develop a supernatural ability – each time you listen to it again, this ability will be replaced by another one. Short list of most common abilities known to have been developed this way: being able to discuss string theory with white rabbits (they will not respond to any other inquiries), being able to morph into any kind of fabric softener that ever existed (useful if you just ran out of it and shops are closed and you have no (kind) neighbours), being able to produce antidote to the most poisonous snakebites (prepare a way to capture the antidote, the stuff comes out liters at a time through your pores), being able to alter memories of goldfish.
If you drive 50 km east and dig a hole, chances of finding gold are higher than if you had driven in any other direction, or any other distance. Notes: this does not apply at sea, so you should be at least 50 km to the west of any sea/ocean. Also does not apply in a 50 km radius from the north or south pole. Chances are highest if you are near a circus tent.
A message to the world
10 september 2011As long as I can keep spewing nonsense like this out into the world, please do not consider this as a being a burn-out. The real burn-out will come long after I’ve gone. It will engorge all of you in happy thoughts (aka flames). Just kidding, no flames – that would just make no sense in a burn-out.
Ok, time for sleep now.
Something else
10 september 2011A little while ago I was asked by a world renowned newspaper called “THE AUTHORITY ON ALL MATTERS TRUE” to write a little story of FICTION, which -really, needless to say, but I don’t know your level of intellect so here goes- was quite unusual for this newspaper. They said they needed me to attract a greater audience; people that were tired of reading the mere FACTS OF LIFE in their newspaper grew smaller and smaller; even in the online edition, which was already considered a ‘dumbed down version’. So -naturally- they turned to me for this extraordinary task.
At first, I was reluctant. After all, why would the readers of this newspaper (I repeat, it was called “THE AUTHORITY ON ALL MATTERS TRUE”) suddenly consider my writings as FACT; after I had written about the “natural sadness of baby monkeys” (really drug-induced) and the “average size of a burrito in Mexico being 22 centimeters” (actually 22.2 centimeters) – which were nothing but LIES.
I gained insight into the motifs of the newspaper as soon as I first met the newspaper’s editor in chief, Ms Rosenblatt. She told me that, despite the name of her newspaper, whatever I wrote for the newspaper would not necessarily need to be true. As point in case, she pointed me to a 1000x magnification of the moon’s surface – specifically the area of the moon landing. We discussed this image (nothing but a giant blur) for days, hours, minutes even, without sleep – and no matter what argument I threw at her (e.g. armchair) to try and persuade myself of her newspaper’s honesty and the reality of the moon-landing really happening, she always found just the right words to refute my (admittedly flawed) arguments. Yes, I am very lazy when involved in any arguments; most of my arguments include cute kittens. My contract with the newspaper in question forbids me to go into any further details about these motifs, but SURELY by now you have guessed it involves chipmunks, aerial photography, unicorns, kabbala, ping pong balls, blackmail and lots and lots of ice cream.
So… I reluctantly agreed.
In my contract with this newspaper I agreed not to put any references to any letters of the alphabet or any knowledge gathered by mankind in general in my articles. So, the only thing I am entitled to say in this context is that any article that you read in any newspaper that seems like a load of … might have been written by me, with the sole purpose of garnering a wider audience for this newspaper. Please, if you read any article that you think is … a little off… do consider it to be my writing unless you feel it is utterly ridiculous… in which case you can be AS CERTAIN AS A PILLOW.
(As in the 80′s saying: “I’d like a one-way certain pillow to New York please.”)
PS: the name of the newspaper has been changed, for not wanting to be killed by ninjas. (Out of fear of people recognizing which newspaper I am referring to I have replaced both the name of the newspaper as well as their associated death trap by the innocuous term ‘ninja’, though I do apologize to all ninjas out there that are not trying to kill me. I also wish to deny that the so-called death trap I refer to are ‘badger aliens’ so as to avoid litigation from the ‘OLD NEW GUILT NEWSPAPER OF ADMITTANCE’ (mostly sold in Catholic villages that have not been involved in evolution in the past 30 years… to them I say: “YES OUR LORD AND SAVIOR BABY JESUS WILL BRING US VICTORY AT THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST NEXT YEAR).)
Rain
10 september 2011Rain is like drops of water falling from the sky. But… some say… rain is so much more too.
It is the dreams of teenagers, the long forgotten wishes of young adults, the lost hope of grown-ups, the realization of a generation gone to pieces, the kindness of strangers, the anger of mad men, the surprise a child encounters everyday, the vegetarian’s tofu, the teacher’s whiteboard, the mailman’s first day, the yoghurt you like, the telephone number of your first love, the first time you made a mess of your own place, the blissfulness of ignorance, the torn pages from a telephone book, the… oh I could go on for ages but I think you get the picture…
Most of all though…
it is just sheer misery – why does this dreadful downpour need to ruin your life?! A day that started so happily; ends (or if you just awoke: starts) with the uninevitable realization that all is doomed to fail.
Well… let’s not be too pessimistic… it is really just drops of water falling from the sky. What would make you think it to be anything more than just that? MORE RAIN? Grow up, please.
The Ghost
10 september 2011Not sure if ghosts exist, but if they drive on the wrong side of the road… then yes, they do!
Did I just return from the dead? Like Jesus? (OMFG)
Unless of course a ghost only exists when someone is there to see it. Like the sound of a tree falling …
Yes, it is late at night.
But pharmacists are even crazier than I am. Particularly at this time of day/night.
No this is not a crazy reference to be made – it only seems crazy if you don’t get where it’s coming from.
PS…What is so funny about this joke:
A landlady looks at the student that wants to rent a room. Suspiciously she asks:
-”Do you have a dog?”
-”No; I don’t.”
-”How about parakeets?”
-”Neither.”
-”And you don’t have any extramarital kids that often visits you?”
-”No, but I do type rather loudly on my computer.”
HAHAHAHAHA??? Where is the JOKE in that ???
It is such a poor joke that I seriously doubt the mental age of whoever wrote it, approved it, or laughed at it. But then again, it’s fine if your real age is below 3; in which case I do understand why you would laugh at this joke – and can’t wait for you to grow up; so we can share some real good jokes.
Scotland – revisited
7 september 2011I’ve got a week off – plenty of time to plan a trip to Scotland; 28 Oct – 04 Nov.
Focus of the trip would be on castles & whisky, but mostly castles. More later.
I figured it out
7 september 2011A + B does not equal C because they’re letters, not numbers.
Monkeys don’t eat ponies because they just don’t have such a big appetite.
Once upon a time someone used the words ‘once upon a time’ to end a story. It brought the writer fame and fortune. Once upon a time.
Miniature versions of megastructures are reasonably sized.
This one I haven’t figured out yet:
Revenge is a dish??
It was 2009
7 september 2011.. now it’s 2011 and nothing has changed, Arnaud.
I’m getting tired of all the websites that make the “back button” of my browser useless.
I just visited Linkedin.
The other side of yoghurt
13 augustus 2011Everywhere I go I keep hearing good things about yoghurt. Now, I am not known to be lactose intolerant, but this constant glorification of yoghurt and its supposedly beneficial effect on your health has to stop.
Consider the following true story: a man goes to his doctor, complains about headaches. The doctor says the man should eat yoghurt. The man is hesitant at first, but his wife encourages him. ‘Doctors are always right’, she says. Two months into his yoghurt-eating therapy the man dies in a car crash. Coincidence? I think not!
Or what about the (admittedly very, very American – yet true) story of Milly Dillon? Ever since she saved a cat from drowning she wanted to become a veterinarian. She got good grades, top of her class every year. She volunteered at animal shelters & was one of the driving forces behind the ‘Kentucky laws’. (Laws against animal cruelty, requiring a camera crew to be present at each animal testing facility – to broadcast a live feed to a studio audience comprising of 10 randomly chosen people whose first name starts with a Q. The audience eliminates the facilities that seem to commit the most horrid tests on animals. It famously brought an end to the testing of hammers & hacksaws on baby tortoises.) She had it all… right up until she started eating yoghurt, that fateful June 6, 2006. She was high on the artificially sweetened ‘good stuff’, thought she was the king of Siam, stopped paying her bills, ended up in jail for robbing a pet shop. All thanks to wonderful yoghurt.
Please help stop this madness. I’m not saying we should destroy all yoghurt. I have some yoghurt myself from time to time. I’m saying that people need to be aware of its dangers, before they get hurt and die a painful death. If you agree to help raise awareness of the dangers related to yoghurt consumption, please sign this petition. Together we can make this world a better place.